She Need the Money Real Bad
by sailorhathor
Summary: Vampires: Los Muertos. Derek/Rodrigo. You bring my son home for Christmas, Senor Bliss. You good man. You and Senor Rodrigo sleep in same bed, we look other way.


**She Need the Money Real Bad**  
A **John Carpenter's Vampires: Los Muertos** Fanfic  
by Laurel (Sailorhathor)

**Rating:** Parental Supervision Suggested for children under 13  
**Word Count:** 1,698  
**Summary:** Please bring my son home for Christmas, Señor Bliss. We all wait for you. You decent man. You and Señor Rodrigo sleep in same bed, we look other way.  
**Pairings:** Derek Bliss/Rodrigo  
**Warnings:** Spoilers for _Vampires: Los Muertos_. Overtones of a male/male sexual relationship. This story is not politically correct. In the canon, Sancho's mother wrote him a permission slip (still snickering over that) for him to go on Derek Bliss' vampire hunt. It was in broken English because Spanish is her first language. I have carried that over into this story. If that little slice of potential reality is going to offend you, it'd probably be better if you didn't read the story.  
**Beta Thanks:** Beta'ed by my friend Sammie.  
**Author's Notes:** They never gave Sancho a last name in the movie, so I gave him one. I also gave him a big family and a name for his mama. Similar details were filled in for Rodrigo.  
Written for **Tigerlady** in the **yuletide** 2009 challenge.

Rodrigo began to chuckle to himself when he saw Derek in the Santa hat as he crossed their little efficiency in Laredo. Always the cynic, Derek just glared at him over the Styrofoam cooler in his arms. "What are you laughing at?"

Rodrigo was still under the covers, wearing only boxer shorts. Lounging in bed was about all he planned to do during the week before Christmas. Watching Derek drop the cooler on the small, rickety kitchen table, he replied, "I didn't think Santa brought his presents until Christmas Eve."

"Huh?" Derek pressed a finger down on the edge of the table. It rocked once... twice... three times before he seemed to be satisfied that whatever item he had placed under the short leg was no longer doing its job. The pile of napkins had significantly deflated, or perhaps Sancho and Zoey had stolen some when they were in the apartment eating fried chicken the other day. Fried chicken... that was a napkin food for sure. "What about Santa?"

Rodrigo, amused, rested his head on his hand and pointed to it with the other.

Derek looked confused for a moment before looking up, rolling his eyes, and removing the Santa hat. He tossed it on the table. "Zoey put it on me."

"She and Sancho finish their shopping yet?"

"I guess so. You know Zoey; always remembers something just when she thinks she's done." He picked up several envelopes from off the top of the cooler and began to sort through them. "Mail came. Christmas card... Christmas card... Christmas... you know, I should buy stock in Hallmark. It's a lucrative business this time of year." Derek tossed the unopened cards on the table like he'd done the Santa hat.

Rodrigo frowned. "Why are you always so cynical?"

Derek looked at him quizzically from under several strands of light brown hair that had fallen in his eyes. "Isn't that just something you love about my sparkling personality?"

Rodrigo pressed him. "It's Christmas."

Rolling his eyes again, Derek kicked off one shoe and used his foot to work off the other. "Zoey and Sancho didn't have enough nauseating Christmas spirit for you?"

"They were fine. I was just hoping I could get some from you."

"Don't hold your breath."

Derek came over to the bed after grabbing his box of Oaties cereal from off the top of the fridge and sat down. Although an outsider might take his words for a bad mood, Rodrigo knew him well enough to know the difference, and he ventured that it was safe to run his fingers absently along the small of Derek's back while he snacked on handfuls of Oaties and read the more important mail. "Zoey and I got our pills," Derek remarked, holding up a bulky envelope.

"That's good. Things have been easier since the doctor started the mail order program."

"Yeah. Don't have to make the constant runs to Mexico City." Derek read the return address on another envelope and tore into it. "Brody," he said simply.

"What does he have to say?"

"Uh, lessee... _'Derek, Bogeys have been spotted trying to cross the border from Tijuana into Cali. Hunters there might need your help. Will keep you posted. In regards to your question, the...'_" Falling silent, Derek read the rest to himself.

Rodrigo felt the lower back under his hand tense a bit. "What is it?"

"Nothing." He folded the letter and tried to put it back in its envelope.

"What did Brody have to say?" Leaning forward, Rodrigo grabbed the corner of the letter. Derek attempted to pull it away, but the letter was still yanked out of his grasp, a little crumpled for it. He sighed, but made no effort to take the letter back. This gave Rodrigo the chance to read it. A gentle, touched smile came to his face before he started to read it aloud. "_'In regards to your question, the general consensus is that as long as you keep taking your pills, you shouldn't have to worry about passing vampirism through sex. It isn't exactly like HIV and other STD's anyway, but it's not like anyone's ever had the chance to conduct a study. You'd have to worry more about your blood and saliva if you were fully infected. As things are now, I think you can relax.'_ He ends with, _'I told no one of your condition. The boys in the office thought we were having a simple philosophical discussion about the hazards of the job.'_ Hm." Rodrigo reached up, taking Derek by the back of the neck, and pulled him down for a long, lazy kiss. He could tell by the half-lidded cast of Derek's eyes that it would be well received. "You were concerned about me?"

Derek laid down and allowed Rodrigo to kiss him several times, some long and lingering, some short but passionate, his hand cupping Rodrigo's jaw. Between kisses, he said, "I can't let you catch this from me. You don't deserve to have to deal with the shit that I do on a daily basis."

"As long as you keep taking your pills, what do you have to worry about, Derek?"

With a sigh and a shrug, Derek responded, "What happens if the pills run out."

That gave Rodrigo slight pause. One more kiss and he said, "Don't worry about things that may not happen. But I suppose you cannot help it."

"No... I can't. I have to think about it. What kind of man would I be if I didn't?" Lying back with an arm resting under his head, Derek opened another letter one-handed. "This one's from Sancho's mom."

"Is that who sent the cooler?"

"Yeah." He nearly destroyed the envelope getting it open with just one hand, but finally the letter came free, and Derek was able to shake it open. While he read the letter, Rodrigo reached into the box of cereal and snacked on it in imitation of his lover. "_'Dear Señor Bliss, I receive money you pay my son for work on last hunt. Bless you for the help. Myself and Sancho's nine brother and sister pray for you day an night. You are decent man. You take care of my son an keep from harm. He allowed to hunt with you always. I send fresh lamb for your dinner.'_" Derek looked at the cooler. "Is that what that is?"

Rodrigo considered it, noticing the water dripping from one corner of the cooler and the condensation forming around it. "You better get that in the fridge."

"Do we even dare eat it?"

He examined the shipping label from across the room. "Looks like she overnighted it. Besides, you know Sancho will insist _he_ at least eat it."

With a nod, Derek continued, "_'I know you look after my Sancho so he come home one day and marry nice girl in the Catholic church. We pray for you this Christmas. You come visit? I have daughter who fight like Sancho. She kill many vampire. We keep garlic and cross at door like you say but still they come around church, look for trouble. Our faith keep most away. Still, my Camila kill many. Maybe she hunt with you too?'_" Derek couldn't help but chuckle and shake his head. "Soon she'll have her whole family hunting with us."

Rodrigo nodded and laughed too. "Is that all she has to say?"

"No, there's a little more. _'Please bring my son home for Christmas. We all wait for you. You decent man, Señor Bliss. You and Señor Rodrigo sleep in same bed, we look other way.'_ What?"

Rodrigo laughed hard at that one.

Derek sighed, covering his face with the letter momentarily. Then he finished it. "_'You all invited, come home. Love, Rosa.'_ I'm getting the feeling she wants us to come to Mexico for the holidays..."

"What gave you that idea?" They snickered and shared a kiss. "So why don't we go?"

Derek did a double take at him out of surprise. "You want to spend Christmas with Sancho's family?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Because... we got a whole lamb to eat." He gestured to the cooler.

"There's several days for that."

"But I don't wanna spend Christmas listening to Rosa's sales pitch," Derek said with a roll of his eyes.

Rodrigo couldn't help it; his face visibly fell in disappointment. "Alright, I guess if you don't want to..."

Derek remembered Rodrigo talking about his village, how there were many relatives and how they all gathered together for the holidays and feasted for days; that was until the vampires came. How many families in that part of Mexico had suffered the same fate because of the rabid strain of vampirism that turned people there into wild animals with human faces? And then Rodrigo made a new family among the monks, men who had taken Derek in as well, gave him food and shelter... things hadn't turned out well for them either.

Sancho's family was lucky to still be all together and alive, especially concerning their size. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that was due to his association with Derek Bliss and the Van Helsing Group.

A large Hispanic family, full of brothers and sisters, with a spitfire for a mother... they had to remind Rodrigo of his own family. An instant after he'd seen that disappointed look on Rodrigo's face, Derek realized why he wanted to go. "No, no. You're right. We should spend Christmas with Sancho's family."

The light came back into Rodrigo's eyes. "Really? What changed your mind?"

"Well..." Derek grinned, his own blue eyes twinkling. "...it just wouldn't be Christmas without a big, decorated tree and little ones running everywhere, and Rosa Vera Cruz trying to squeeze money outta me."

They both laughed. "Next she'll try to convince you of what a great vampire hunter _she_ is." That only made them laugh harder. The two men cuddled close, putting their foreheads together, and said at the same time, "She need the money real bad."

Two days later, the group packed up Mt. Grace and headed south, a cooler full of lamb kabobs and roasted leg of lamb in the back.


End file.
